It is November 9th, 2016 here in Australia. Quite a historic albeit stressful day with many things going on.
The votes are being counted to determine if Donald Trump will be given the key to nuclear weapons. We are working hard on last minute fixes and tweaks to release SumoMe List Builder 3.0 after some ten months or so in the making.
But all of these things are part of the daily challenges. It was instead a simple thing — an email from the children’s school with the monthly newsletter that caught me off guard.
I skimmed down the PDF page by page looking for pictures of events relating to my children’s class as I often do, maybe they will be in a group photo.
As I got near the end there was a half page ad that caught my eye, a large heading “Anxiety” stood out with a fact sheet on generalised anxiety and panic disorder by Headspace. Quite well written and it was good to see awareness such an appropriate place.. but it’s not this that caught me off guard.
I continued to scroll towards the end and saw another small advert that said “Dads & Kids Fly a Kite Day”. Immediately the words dads & kids stood out. Then the intrusions happened. You can’t go to that you’re too scared. You will never be able to do things with your kids.
Usually these thoughts would be met with defusion in a heart beat but for a moment I let my guard down. As tears built up and emotion flooded my belly I started to let go. I haven’t cried in many years and it left me a little confused at first.
I struggled with debating whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Why did it even happen? What exactly upset me? was it the thought or was it a deeper meaning. I hadn’t let go once at any time during my anxiety experience.. maybe it was just the tipping point.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve felt emotional quite often, most recently I remember tearing up during the end scenes in Deepwater Horizon but I have never completely let go so maybe it was due.
But I just wanted to share this experience because I’m okay with it. And if you ever feel something similar you too should be okay with it because there’s no shame in a grown man shedding a tear. It can bring up many emotions but shame should never be one of them.
The heart and mind is just doing what it was made to do. It is what makes us all human despite all our differences. If you too ever feel the need to just let go then by all means let go. Some times crying can be the strong release we need.